Obligatory Post about Poop

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Now what kind of potty-training, laundry folding, house cleaning, dish washing, bed making, meal cooking, mess eradicating mommy blogger would I be if I didn’t regale you with at least one story about poop? I’m mean come on, it’s my civic duty as a blogger and a mother to share these tales of woe and major embarrassment with the Internet!

Here’s the scene, The GMan and I are in a local mattress store. As I complete a transaction with the nice and helpful salesperson (and the details behind this are too long and boring to enumerate just believe me, it was warranted), The GMan is wandering around the store checking out all the mattresses on display. Now, we are in the throes of potty training with our young son. We have taken the step from going sans diaper at home to sans diaper while out and about. I keep diapers, wipes and a change of clothes on hand just in case. Just as I’m about to get up from my seat, The GMan appears at my side and says that he wants to go home…and I get a whiff of, that’s right, poop.

Oh, did I mention we haven’t purchased underwear yet? No? Well, yeah, here’s the deal. I thought I had some hand-me downs for him to use during this training time but it turned out they were too big and since payday was still a few days away…I thought we could just do without until our next trip to Target. Strike one for Mommy.

So, back to the story. I take a look at The GMan’s backside and I see poop on his leg and coming out of his shorts. Meanwhile, nice and helpful salesperson is still sitting there behind the desk. I pretty much just ignore the fact that he’s there and quietly plot our escape out of the store. The diaper bag is in the car. All I have in my purse are some tissues. And then I remember what The GMan had been doing whilst I was distracted with making my purchase. I think, “Dear Lord, please tell me he was not on any of the mattresses when he did this!” Thankfully, he was not but as we got closer to our exit, I notice a blob of poop on the floor beside one of the beds! Strike two for Mommy.

Oh dear. I whip out my pack of tissues and scoop up said blob with one of them. Then I take another and furiously blot the cheap polyester carpet until no more poop is visible. Still ignoring the presence of anyone else in the store, we hightail it out of there and get to the car. I pop the trunk on the car, remove some items, lie The GMan down in the trunk and get to work on cleaning him up. What? You’ve never changed a kid in the trunk before?

Of course it had to be one the nastiest, messiest, stinkiest poop messes ever! I used all but two of the wipes I had in his bag. The remaining two I used to scrub my hands. But I eventually got him cleaned up, put a diaper on him and got him settled into the car. We headed home with a ziploc baggie at my side containing his shorts and about 20 used wet wipes. Gross. I still had to deal with that back at the house.

Now, you’d think all would be well but here’s the thing. I eventually have to go back to the store to pick-up my purchase. Strike three for Mommy!

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Filed under The GMan, by Malia, kids & family, life as a domestic goddess