I often find myself rather intimidated by the thought of posting here after I’ve gone so long without writing. Even though I know I owe nobody nothing in this space, I still feel a bit guilty when I spend time harboring my thoughts in my head instead of expounding upon them for all the world to see. Twisted, I know.
I’m currently in a place where I have a lot to say but no desire to say it. Of course, saying that, I’ll probably end of overloading this blog with posts. Sort of like opening flood gates. But I am feeling the need to converse. I thrive on interaction. Which is probably why I hang out more on Facebook and Twitter. Conversations, brief as they may be, happen on a more regular basis. But that has been part of the problem, too. Brevity. There’s too much to explore within the limits of 140 characters or less.
The last few years have been quite exciting for me. Blogging brought some really wonderful people into my life and I have relished in and enjoyed those relationships. But lately, I’ve been missing some old friends. People I’ve not seen in years. Friends whose presence in my life I took entirely for granted and didn’t really know how much they meant to me until we were separated by time or distance or both. I long to sit with them and talk and reminisce though I wonder if time and distance will have marred the relationship. I certainly hope not.
There’s also an uncertainty floating around here, so intense and heavy that it’s become part of the decor. Wondering what each day will bring, hoping for the best, fearing the worst. And it’s everywhere. Not just in our home but all around this city, in our churches, schools and communities.
School is ending and summer is beginning. As usual, the summer looms in front of me, vast and unfilled and hot. I wonder how we’ll get through it. A couple of months from now, I’ll wonder where it went. Endings and beginnings.
Beginnings and endings.