Adulthood: Everything you ever wanted and more

Do you remember how when you were a kid you so badly wanted to be an adult because adults get to do whatever they want?

You’re laughing, but I’m serious.

It IS true, to some extent, right? I mean, I do get to stay up as late as I want and eat what I want and really, nobody tells me what to do. Sure, there are bosses who have demands and officers of the law who say I can’t go that fast but for all intent and purposes, I do want I want to do.

Unfortunately, it comes with a price. Because along with being able to do what I want to do are responsibilities exponentially greater than my leisure allows. So when I spend too much time doing what I want to do, all those responsibilities are still there, waiting for me.

And now you’re wondering what my point is because you already know all this.

I think I’m having a “mid life crisis”. Or an existential crisis. Or maybe just a really hard dose of reality.

I didn’t sow many oats in high school and college. I was a “good kid”, kept my nose clean, etc. And what I did sow I kept to myself and tried to not be caught. But in the past few years, I’ve found myself sowing some of those oats left in the bag. And this year, in particular, I’ve been railing against the tension of doing what I want to do and doing what I have to do.

Is this what they meant when the said it’s not all it’s cracked up to be? Probably. So here I am stuck between the thrill and the bondage of freedom. Remembering my 15 year old self who couldn’t wait to be older and living with my 35 year old self that can’t seem to accept the truth.

One foot in Neverland, the other in comfortable shoe, ready to take on the world.

6 Comments

Filed under musings

6 responses to “Adulthood: Everything you ever wanted and more

  1. I know what you mean. I can stay up as long as I want but that baby will still want to be feed at 2:30 and the rest of the kids will want breakfast in the morning.

    And now I get to add to that, why is it that my American Dream is going backwards? Working harder and making less. Never seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

  2. It is hard to find that balance – especially when you have kids.

    I sowed my oats. I kicked up my heels. But now I find myself in a little bit of an identity crisis because I don’t recognize this mommy, this wife, this non-career driven person I am right now. I know it is a brief time in my life but I really wonder who I am going to be when I come out on the other side. My husband says I am the same woman he married but I look in the mirror and I don’t see her anymore. Don’t get me wrong – I love my life. I am very blessed and fortunate. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I just feel like I need to find a little more of me in the mix.

  3. Amanda

    I really really enjoyed reading this post. I am a recent grad thrust into a world of loan repayments & unemployment! O’ the joys of adult hood.

  4. Alice

    Bless you! Keep on keepin on!

  5. I know what you mean. I reminisce about my younger years all the time. Every time I see college students I think “They have no idea how much freedom they have right now.” Of course, I love my life and being a mother, but sometimes the responsibility seems overwhelming. And to think I once couldn’t wait to be on my own just so that I could eat raw chocolate chip cookie dough from the package whenever I wanted, my mother would never let me do that:)

  6. I’m ready to be a kid one day and grwon up the next…where’s the happy medium?

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