Lacking

I’m going to cut to chase and to come right out with it; it’s depression.

That’s why I’m not writing.

For some, depression opens the floodgates of writing. For me it dams up everything and tortures my brain instead. I already have a fairly significant filter while writing when I’m not dealing with this affliction, so when it hits…the wall is nearly impenetrable.

The most insidious of the effects is the blow to my confidence. There are huge letters written on that wall: NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!!!!

That is the honest truth of it. And the lack of confidence affects everything in my life. My parenting skills. My marriage skills. My job skills. My friendship skills.

Everything is lacking.

See, I don’t want to be unhappy here in this space of mine. I don’t want to bring anybody down anymore that I already feel that I do in my day to day life. Therefore, I can’t write. I can’t tell you what rattles around in my brain even if you really do want to hear about it. It’s frightening to think of putting it out there.

I am not who I want to be right now.

———————————————————————————————————————–

I owe One2One Network a couple of reviews for albums that they sent me. I’m fairly certain that I’m late in these reviews and for that I apologize. The next two posts will be review posts and after that….we’ll see.

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17 Comments

Filed under life as a domestic goddess, random

17 responses to “Lacking

  1. Oh Miss Malia –

    You know I luffs you.

    Please email or call if you need an ear. <3

    NOW: Put your right hand on your left shoulder. Put your left hand on your right shoulder. AND SQUEEZE. That's a hug from me.

  2. Oh Malia, I am the same way. I can’t figure it out either. I think thats why I do stupid stuff like photoshop my head. Anything to lighten my load and make me (if no one else) laugh…

    Love you !!! Hope you get your mojo back!!!

  3. Hang in there. Not to sound dismissive at all, but I really think the weather here…the dreary endless RAIN is not helping.

    I wrote about being in a funk yesterday. Sigh… I don’t like to write posts like that so of course I tried to make it funny.

    Take care of yourself Malia! We all have down days…hope yours do not last long.

  4. Oh, darling. You know I understand this. I’ve been thinking of you lately anyway–call me sometime? Maybe coffee? Loves.

  5. Would a donut run help? I often question myself and my writing, too… why does anyone care what I think or say? My own blog has become nothing more than an online diary. No eloquence, no deep thoughts, just a month-to-month recitation of dullness. See? Please know that you are much loved both in the online and real world. **hugs**

  6. I loves you and your writing too. :) I don’t worry about you too much, because I feel confident you know you are still loved by the Creator, but I still hate to know a friend is down.

  7. Alice

    Bless you. That writing on the wall–Lies, lies, all lies. Don’t listen!!!!

    I am sorry.

  8. Thinking of you!

    If you need a girls night out, just holler! Otherwise, we will all wait patiently until you are feeling more yourself.

  9. I’ve been thinking about you. Hope it’s getting better. And I know I owe you posts and seriously SOON I’ll have them done but I’ve been traveling and I’m off my nut at work and everything is insane. And stuff. #absurdexcuses

  10. Pingback: Hello November « live. laugh. love.

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