Question for ya

David pictureSo, hypothetically speaking, if a single male friend of yours asked you for some advice in a certain situation, what would you say? The situation is this: Said friend was approached by a long-time female friend who is a homosexual and is seeking male genetic material to produce a baby to raise with her long-time companion. They would also want him to be a male role model for the child.

For those that automatically object on moral grounds regarding homosexuality, then say this single male friend is approached by a married man and woman who are close friends but the man is sterile and completely incapable of contributing the appropriate genetic material.

I don’t want to take the homosexual issue completely off the table because I do think it is an issue to discuss for many people, just want to give an alternative scenario so everyone can play along.

And….go!

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7 Comments

Filed under by DB

7 responses to “Question for ya

  1. Pingback: Nashville is Talking » More little Ivys for the world: good thing

  2. michelle

    I think this is a BAD idea! First of all, in this day and age the couple (regardless of sexual orientation) can get sperm without said friend being the donor. There are many reputable places with good screening processes that can be used to get sperm. This guy is going to have an strong emotional (and biological) attachment to this child but no legal rights at all. If this couple just wants a male role model and this guy is willing then he can provide that without the total commitment of being the “biological father”. I tried to answer this without letting the homosexual issue cloud my thinking.

  3. First off, I’ll say that this could not ever possibly be an issue for me. (One look in the microscope, and instead of seeing a bustling NYC, you see folks lounging on the beach 😉 ). I know, EWWWW.

    But, that having been said, michelle has a point. There’s just too much baggage involved. No matter what you do, it’s “your” child, and it’s right there. This is why I’ve never been a fan of “open” adoption; I think that no matter how painful it is initially, a clean break is better for all involved (especially the child). But I am in the minority.

    So, no, I wouldn’t do it, even if the little microsopic boys weren’t such slackers.

  4. My first response to the first scenario: No, it shouldn’t be done. I have many feelings on the topic of homosexuality that lead me to say no.

    For the other scenario: I think it would be okay but there would have to be such major “ground rules” for what the boundaries would be for each person. The single man would biologically be the child’s father and it would be extremely hard for everyone to “forget” that. Lots of emotional issues that could come up.

  5. Sidewinder16

    …on the other hand, said “single male friend” has the opportunity to give the gift of motherhood to another human being. I don’t think the importance, magnitude and “specialness” of that should be ignored in this decision.

    This may or may not be a misguided assumption, but I would assume that he, specifically, was asked, and for specific reasons. Reasons that are probably pretty important to the potential mother. I’m not sure we should be neglecting the “baggage” she may incur should her request to be denied.

    The decision to bring a child into the world is never one that should be taken lightly and/or without some consideration of the impact on the futures of everyone involved. I would simply hope that discussions between the relevant parties would include all the options and scenarios (as best can be imagined), the pros and cons, if you will, including those similar to the events detailed in the news link David provided.

  6. FWIW, I know a lesbian couple who did this — 15 years ago. They had a second child (same male “donor”) 13 years ago. It’s worked out beautifully for them. The couple is still together, raising their two children. The children know (and have a relationship with) the donor, but he has not had any hand in the actual parenting.

    I also know a man who was approached with the same request, and — after taking time to think about it and talking with the parents-to-be — he declined.

    The situation isn’t “one answer fits all,” and your friend can only make the decision for himself.

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