Preface To Today’s Marriage Post

Malia pictureMaybe I should make this part of my disclaimer, but I thought I’d put it out here as a preface to the marriage post that immediately follows.

When I wrote The Great Housework Debate, it was hard for me to not “look” longingly at someone else’s situation and wish it for my own. And I imagine that there were some who read the post and thought something along the lines of of, “I’m glad my marriage is not that way” or “I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that”. Writing that post was hard for me. I think I was mad at David for at least two days and in fact, we got into a pretty serious argument (via instant messaging, then later face to face) regarding the post and how it worked in our life.

And then, I wrote this post about finances and it was hard for me to not “look” with judgement upon other ways of managing money within a marriage. Fact is, we don’t have the perfect model of managing money and other couples don’t have the perfect model of dividing up household chores. We all try do what works best for us. And if we know our way of approaching these things is flawed or insufficient then the best thing to do is to work on it within our own marriage, not long for the way another’s marriage works. Money is not a very big issue for me and David but I’m sure it is for other couples, just as housework is not a very big issue for other couples but it is for me and David.

My hope is that these posts are helpful and inspiring. I don’t want them to be a yardstick by which we all measure our marriages and see how we’re better or worse than each other. I say that for myself and for you.



Filed under by Malia, love & marriage

3 responses to “Preface To Today’s Marriage Post

  1. Oh, my.

    My dad used to say that the quickest way to ensure your own miserable-ness at your job is to look at your coworkers’ paychecks.

    The same goes for marriages.

    And, Lord knows, the same goes for parenthood.

    What works for you may not work for me. And vice-versa. But it’s always good to throw our way ‘out there’; maybe someone will find a way that they’ve never thought of before.

    It took me a long time to realise that the people I envied, the ones I thought had it all together, were the most messed up and miserable of all.

    Let’s just fix what we can, and revel in the rest.

  2. Dang, the WordPress spam-eater hates me lately.

  3. Malia

    Hey Slarti, I fixed it!!

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