I haven’t done a marriage post in awhile, just haven’t been terribly inspired, until this morning. I read something on a blog that raised my marital strife hackles. I’m not going to link it because I don’t want to appear to be “dissin'” the writer, it’s just that what they wrote reminded me a little pet peeve of mine. This is kind of a “touchy” subject (pun intended), so I’ll start out by emphasizing again, it’s something that bothers me when I hear it and may not necessarily bother you. And if you engage in this behavior, I’m not condemning you or anything, I’m just talking here. So here goes…
It irritates me when married women make disparaging remarks about their sex lives with their husbands.
To me this is right up there with speaking badly about your spouse in public. Because alluding to a less-than-satisfying intimate relationship is outright criticism of your partner. Whether it’s because he wants it more than her or because she isn’t getting enough or anything else that doesn’t compliment that aspect of marriage. But what actually irritates me even more is when the remarks are made in such a way that assumes all women feel the way she does. As if every wife out there understands her “plight”.
Lately, it almost seems that if you do enjoy intimate relations with your husband, you’re in the minority and you best keep your mouth shut for fear of creating trouble. (Kind of like spilling the beans about how being a stay-at-home mother is really not that hard. And a position I heartily agree with.) I truly understand needing to commiserate about the situations we, as wives and mothers, find ourselves in. It’s our own brand of therapy, it bonds us and gives an outlet for frustrations and unique struggles. But I find it to be disturbing to make snide remarks and all-womanhood-encompassing statements regarding how you feel about sex.
So my “spilling the beans” statement goes something along the lines of…
Sex between married couples isn’t always terrible. In fact, it can be wonderful.
Shocking, huh? There are women who enjoy being with their husbands. There are husbands out there that are not “starved” for attention. It is possible to have good “marital relations” with your spouse. Married sex is not universally bad.
(I do understand and make exception for extraordinary circumstances. There certainly are spouses [men & women] out there who have suffered because of abuse and misinformation and have hurdles to overcome that many others do not.)
If the bedroom endeavors between you and your spouse are a problem for whatever reason, please seek help. Don’t try and make your personal feelings everyone else’s reality.
As always with these posts about marriage, I offer my Disclaimer for clarification purposes. And a gentle reminder that this is supposed to be a family-friendly blog, so let’s keep the comments clean folks! We will edit/delete if necessary.