Let’s Not Talk About (s-e-x)

Malia pictureI haven’t done a marriage post in awhile, just haven’t been terribly inspired, until this morning. I read something on a blog that raised my marital strife hackles. I’m not going to link it because I don’t want to appear to be “dissin'” the writer, it’s just that what they wrote reminded me a little pet peeve of mine. This is kind of a “touchy” subject (pun intended), so I’ll start out by emphasizing again, it’s something that bothers me when I hear it and may not necessarily bother you. And if you engage in this behavior, I’m not condemning you or anything, I’m just talking here. So here goes…

It irritates me when married women make disparaging remarks about their sex lives with their husbands.

To me this is right up there with speaking badly about your spouse in public. Because alluding to a less-than-satisfying intimate relationship is outright criticism of your partner. Whether it’s because he wants it more than her or because she isn’t getting enough or anything else that doesn’t compliment that aspect of marriage. But what actually irritates me even more is when the remarks are made in such a way that assumes all women feel the way she does. As if every wife out there understands her “plight”.

Lately, it almost seems that if you do enjoy intimate relations with your husband, you’re in the minority and you best keep your mouth shut for fear of creating trouble. (Kind of like spilling the beans about how being a stay-at-home mother is really not that hard. And a position I heartily agree with.) I truly understand needing to commiserate about the situations we, as wives and mothers, find ourselves in. It’s our own brand of therapy, it bonds us and gives an outlet for frustrations and unique struggles. But I find it to be disturbing to make snide remarks and all-womanhood-encompassing statements regarding how you feel about sex.

So my “spilling the beans” statement goes something along the lines of…

Sex between married couples isn’t always terrible. In fact, it can be wonderful.

Shocking, huh? There are women who enjoy being with their husbands. There are husbands out there that are not “starved” for attention. It is possible to have good “marital relations” with your spouse. Married sex is not universally bad.

(I do understand and make exception for extraordinary circumstances. There certainly are spouses [men & women] out there who have suffered because of abuse and misinformation and have hurdles to overcome that many others do not.)

If the bedroom endeavors between you and your spouse are a problem for whatever reason, please seek help. Don’t try and make your personal feelings everyone else’s reality.

As always with these posts about marriage, I offer my Disclaimer for clarification purposes. And a gentle reminder that this is supposed to be a family-friendly blog, so let’s keep the comments clean folks! We will edit/delete if necessary.



Filed under by Malia, love & marriage

15 responses to “Let’s Not Talk About (s-e-x)

  1. I’ll put a vote in from a guy – i agree!

  2. Pingback: Music City Bloggers » Blog Archive » Malia reveals something SHOCKING!!

  3. Lisa

    I’ve been there — had a lot of trouble with sex. I did my best to avoid making disparaging comments out loud about it, but the thoughts were there. We’ve come through it, though, and our sex life is now better than ever. We didn’t seek professional help for it, but I would say it is definitely worth it to try & seek help if your sex life is anything less than awesome. Now that I know what good sex is, I wish everyone had it!

  4. Malia

    Thank you for sharing that! I especially loved your last sentence 😉

  5. Beautiful post. I agree with you.

  6. Malia, I think this is a great post. I think its really neat that you put marriage in a positive light and there is good about it.
    Well done, my cyber friend!

  7. Ron

    I love sex with married women.

    Oh, you meant married… couples… err, nevermind!

    This comment has been edited by the blog author. Our blog represents our values and references to infidelity are unwelcome.

  8. nm

    Well … if the complaints about sex have to do with how things have changed since the onset of menopause, cut those poor women some slack. It’s, um, a whole new set of experiences and takes some getting used to. But otherwise, yes, Malia: married sex is teh good thing.

  9. BrenOaks

    Oh the things to say on this one… I agree that there is almost a stigma that if you enjoy it thoroughly that there must be something wrong with you. (And don’t worry- I looked it up on the internet and I am normal.) Having been married once before on the side of not enjoying it…I feel sorry for those who do not get the full joy, but agree that there is no need bash…seek help and get on the other side because, in this case, the “grass is greener”.

  10. Malia

    nm – I understand that women can have trouble with sex at any age and any life stage but that menopause/post-menopause can be particularly troubling and challenging. From the limited reading I’ve done on the subject, I hear that sex after menopause can still be very fulfilling, there are just concessions to be made for how a woman’s body has changed and how the hormones work or rather don’t work any more!
    And thank you for your encouragement!

    Bren – I’m happy to hear that marriage the second time around has been very good to you!!

  11. I totally agree with you. I often feel bad for these people that they feel they have to “air their dirty laundry” rather than fix something with their spouse.

    I also feel sorry for women who air out huge fights and peeves with their spouses to others. If/when J and I have an issue, we work it out together. Not us with all of our friend we gripe too.

    I found your blog late last week, but I forget where. So Hi, nice to meet you! Also, I thought I knew you at first because you look JUST LIKE a girl I knew from high school, AND you have the same name? Any chance you graduated in East TN somwhere around 2000?

  12. Cheers! This is well said. It’s not like once you sign the papers, all hotness goes out the window.

  13. Malia –

    Great post! I couldn’t agree more. After 21 years together and 5 kids, The Much Younger Trophy Wife is more attractive, more desirable and even sexier than when we wed.

    Here’s to extending the honeymoon well into the marriage …

    Blue Collar Muse

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