A couple of weeks ago Spring started to make an appearance around here. Daffodils and tulips bloomed seemingly overnight. The Bradford Pears and Cherry Trees and Saucer Magnolias showed all their floral glory. And the sun, the sun came out on a more regular and glorious basis.
Now, it’s really not like flipping on a light switch in your brain. There’s a reason I referred to the darkness as my friend and it really wasn’t to use a creative post title. After awhile, depression becomes apart of you and you define yourself by it. You don’t want to be depressed. You don’t like being depressed. However, you come to rely on it, to expect it and to even nurture it in some ways.
So when I started to feel the darkness lift and my spirits improve, I panicked a little bit. Could I really be happy again? Was it just a fluke? How would I define myself now without the darkness the cloaked around me?
Little by little, my mood improved, my outlook brightened and my definition of myself turned sunny and bright. So much so, that even the intermittent storms and gray days we’ve had have been unable to deter me.
I stopped at Panera the other day to get some breakfast. As I left, the sun had broken through the clouds and was glinting off the wet pavement. The clouds were a bright white from the relection. I turned my face to the sun and smiled, a giggle inexplicably burst from my lips.
I was happy again.