Daily Archives: October 15, 2009

Lacking

I’m going to cut to chase and to come right out with it; it’s depression.

That’s why I’m not writing.

For some, depression opens the floodgates of writing. For me it dams up everything and tortures my brain instead. I already have a fairly significant filter while writing when I’m not dealing with this affliction, so when it hits…the wall is nearly impenetrable.

The most insidious of the effects is the blow to my confidence. There are huge letters written on that wall: NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!!!!

That is the honest truth of it. And the lack of confidence affects everything in my life. My parenting skills. My marriage skills. My job skills. My friendship skills.

Everything is lacking.

See, I don’t want to be unhappy here in this space of mine. I don’t want to bring anybody down anymore that I already feel that I do in my day to day life. Therefore, I can’t write. I can’t tell you what rattles around in my brain even if you really do want to hear about it. It’s frightening to think of putting it out there.

I am not who I want to be right now.

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I owe One2One Network a couple of reviews for albums that they sent me. I’m fairly certain that I’m late in these reviews and for that I apologize. The next two posts will be review posts and after that….we’ll see.

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